brow lamination, hotel spas, and influencer brands: my spicy beauty opinions
I love a good COMPLAIN.
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Mary J Blige once said, “Don’t need no hateration, holleration in this dancery.” But this is not that dancery. This is my newsletter and I will hate and holler all I want. So please, allow me to present my unvarnished, unasked for, and occasionally unpopular beauty opinions.
Listen, though: None of this is that serious. I’m not looking for a fight. If you love something, please continue to do what you’re doing. Just know I am judging you for it (only joking. Or am I…).
Brow lamination will be to the 2020s what sperm brows were to the 2000s.
As will lash extensions. Even the fairly good ones. You can’t tell me the teenagers of the 2030s won’t be like, “What the fuck was that?”
Last point on lashes: Lash lifts? Something fishy there. I got it done once and it didn’t work, but they still felt… crunchy. That can’t be good in the long term.
There is no point in spending over €20 on a cleanser. And I say this as someone who has probably done that.
Still… What’s “worth the money” is subjective. I won’t spend €25 on a cleanser but I will spend €35 on a cool lipstick. Does it make sense? In my head, it does.
Some of ye are getting weird about SPF. A genuine post in a skincare Facebook group I’m in: “I have to get an MRI tomorrow morning and I can’t wear SPF, will I be OK?” YES. You are fine. Jesus.
Having said that, all the Botox and skincare in the world is nullified if you’re purposefully scorching yourself in the sun. The crispy decolletage don’t lie.
I know a simpler skincare routine is probably better, but I still have 13 products (I counted) in my regular rotation and I wouldn’t change a thing.
And I know I own too much makeup. I don’t feel one bit bad about it.
Pigment does not equal quality. An eyeshadow or blush you can sheer out or build up as necessary is a much more versatile, well-made product than one that swatches impressively on your arm.
Preferring a natural look does not make you any better than someone who won’t be seen without full glam. The “just a dot of tinted moisturiser and brown mascara” clean-girl crowd do be awful shmug sometimes.
Gals whose makeup bags are the plastic baggies from at least three airport visits ago: I’m afraid of you a bit.
Hotel spa facials do nothing for your skin. They’re just applying your skincare for you while panpipes toot away in the background. A good facial is not relaxing.
I hate getting my hair washed in the hairdressers. It actually hurts me. My entire body is clenched for the duration, no matter how gentle the stylist. I wish I could experience the euphoria the rest of you speak of.
Overlined lips with gloss can often make the wearer look like they just drank some juice and it’s all around their mouth. (JLo, consider yourself called OUT.)
Makeup needs preservatives! Shit should not be going off after like, a month!
I am driven demented when I see “short hair don’t care” Insta posts with hair that brushes the collarbone. You got two inches off, Mary. That isn’t short. I will die on this hill.
Budget shampoos and conditioners work just fine for many many people.
I’ve said it before, but “preventative” Botox is a scam. Of course they want to get you injecting a good decade before you even “need” to.
“Dupe culture” is veering out of control. There are dupes for dupes of dupes! There are brands that exist solely to dupe more expensive products! AND HALF OF THEM AREN’T EVEN ACTUALLY DUPES.
Ditto “gatekeeping.” Hot girls don’t gatekeep but they also don’t attack women in TikTok comments for not immediately stating where their lip gloss is from. I am aware this post is getting increasingly “old man yells at cloud.”
We can’t embed tweets anymore but Amy gets it Ireland must have more influencer brands and collabs per capita than any other country in the world. How do they all stay in business? Who is buying them? Which ones aren’t simply drop-shipping enterprises? Don’t answer that.
I can’t remember the last time I was excited by a Fenty Beauty, Charlotte Tilbury, or Glossier launch.
It is absolutely wild to see all the things that were called out on Instagram (dodgy reviews, undeclared ads, mad filters) reappear on TikTok. Will we ever learn?
And here’s one that’s less of an opinion than a confession: I don’t wash my brushes enough. I actually don’t even want to say when the last time was. Am I planning to wash them soon? Yes. Do I know exactly when that will happen? Em… no. Sorry.
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As long as we're venting can we talk about face shaving, snail cream, and applying fake freckles?
I got a brow lam done before and I believe that it has given me bald patches