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I like to think I’m fairly savvy when it comes to social media. I approach everything I see online with a healthy dose of good-natured scepticism. But at the same time, I am extremely open to being sold stuff.
It doesn’t take much. Like many millennials, I’m very moved by good branding. I love a worthy message. I will gladly covet your aspirational lifestyle. As such, most of my beauty purchases are inspired by Instagram — but only a few come from the all-knowing algorithm itself. Here are three things I bought because Instagram said so, and I have the honour to be its obedient servant (V dot Lof).
Influencers, read this and be soothed: Your ads do work. Because after the 1,234th sponsored post for Wild showed up on my feed (would love to know their influencer marketing spend because they are everywhere), I took the plunge and spent £27 on natural deodorant. Yes, twenty-seven English pounds, and Boo Boo the Fool here even forgot to use the million influencer discount codes floating about. Like, I had every opportunity to spend less money, and somehow I did not take any of them! Anyway.
Wild is a refillable natural deodorant free from parabens, sulfates, and aluminium (the latter being the ingredient in antiperspirants that plugs up your sweat glands). I’m trying to phase out as much single-use beauty stuff as possible — makeup wipes, cotton pads, sheet masks, etc. The idea of a cute, pastel deodorant tin you refill with little cartridges was naturally very appealing to me. Like I said: Branding! Worthy message! Lifestyle! I got the peach tin with the bergamot, lavender, and coconut scents, and all are lovely. Wild offers a subscription service that sends out refills every few months, but I’ve decided against that until I get to grips with the natural deo experience.
Everything I’ve read about natural deodorant has told me that it takes a while for your body to adjust to it. I had previously been using Sure Maximum Protection, which is about as un-natural as you can get, so... yes, I was prepared to stink for a bit. It’s said to take up to four weeks for your body to rebalance and get rid of the last of the aluminium — I’m coming up on two weeks now and yeah, it’s been a really fun, sexy time for me as I learn to sweat again. It’s not terrible, just different (and weird to think about how much antiperspirant interferes with your body’s workings).
Apparently you can speed up the ‘detoxing’ process by applying clay masks to your armpits, but I haven’t a notion of standing around with my arms in the air for 15 minutes. No, I’ll just be a little smellier for a while in the name of sustainability. I will update you when I reach the other side. Godspeed to my pits.
It’s almost like Starface was built in a lab to appeal to people like me (spotty millennials who need everything in life to be ~aesthetic). I’ve followed the brand’s owner Julie Schott since she worked at xoJane — xo hive rise up — and kept seeing the little star-shaped pimple patches everywhere, so... I caved and bought them from the UK site through AddressPal.
Starface Hydro-Stars are made of hydrocolloid, an ingredient found in wound dressings that absorbs bacteria and provides optimal conditions for healing. I’ve used pimple patches before and wasn’t particularly impressed — they’d slide off my face in the night and end up in my armpit. Starface patches stay put for as long as I want them to, and I do find that my spots look less inflamed when I peel the stickers off the next morning. They also stop me picking, which is how I frequently (frequently!) make my breakouts worse.
The Starface patches don’t contain any other spot-fighting ingredients, just the hydrocolloid, so they work best on spots that come to a head (or that you’ve already squeezed). They will not get rid of cystic acne, but in my experience, only a benzoyl peroxide treatment will do that. Sometimes I apply a thin layer of spot cream before I put on the sticker to keep it from getting rubbed off in the night, and I find this combo works well too. All in all, I’m not mad at Instagram for foisting these upon me. They are totally non-essential, but here I am, still a fool for stickers at almost 30 years of age.
Sarazaar Cosmetics Ethereal holographic pigment
One day I clicked into the Explore page by accident, as you do. I was hastily trying to get out of there, as you also do, when I saw THIS from UK indie brand Sarazaar Cosmetics:
Does that not make you feel things? I was mesmerised. I felt kind of like Gollum, wild with need to possess this magic fully.
Despite my hunger for holo, I was prepared to be disappointed when the pigment finally arrived. It’s rare that something actually lives up to expectations, but Sarazaar honestly delivered on this front. It’s not a glitter but a finely-milled shimmer that gives the most incredible holographic effect. I don’t have many events to wear sparkly-shiny eyes to any more, but on New Year’s Eve I went all out to drink prosecco and cuddle my Baby Yoda teddy in my house.
I used Inglot Duraline mixing medium to create a stunning little holographic paste, then painted it all over my eyelids. I could not stop looking at myself. It’s pretty much impossible to do it justice in a photo, though by god I tried. Please, accept this gif assembled from an Instagram Story video:
The first night out after lockdown, I am covering myself with this from head to toe and becoming a human disco ball. You will know me from the trail of sparkles I will leave in my wake.
Thanks again for reading Vanity Project! Share your impulsive Instagram purchases in the comments below, or tell me on Instagram or Twitter at @valerieloftus. Seriously, I want to know.