my laser hair removal ~*journey*~ (so far)

One woman’s not-quite-noble quest for smoothness.

Like many people, I have been at war with my body hair since I was a child. I don’t know how I figured out that women having hair on their legs was “disgusting” — someone very kindly told me, most likely — but I remember being in Fifth or Sixth Class (so, 11 or 12 years old) and wanting the downy, fair hair on my legs GONE. I begged my mother to let me shave and, ignoring her appeals to stop at the knee, rid myself of any hair from ankle to thigh.

So began my teenage years of slogging away in the shower, ensuring I could never be accused of having hairy legs under my school socks. In the fierce belief that I had a “unibrow,” I plucked away my eyebrows. I attacked my “moustache” with Jolen cream bleach. I shaved my armpits daily to ward off my five o’clock pit shadow. Just girly things.

a still from a 2000 venus ad, the source of our collective sorrow

Then, writing for Beaut.ie in my final year of college, I was offered a course of laser hair removal on my upper lip and underarms. The moustache returned with a vengeance after a few months — I think it was Jeanne Sutton who told me that laser can be less effective on the face as, thanks to all our lovely moisturisers and serums, the skin is too soft. My underarms, though? Hairless as James Kavanagh’s cat. I never went back for top–ups (something they advise you to do yearly), yet I did not see a single hair under there until very recently. Madness. 

This brings me to my latest adventure in destroying my hair follicles: full-leg zapping. I mentioned here before that I simply detest shaving — my skin reacts, I get loads of ingrown hairs, and because I am short-sighted, I can’t actually SEE what I’m doing in the shower, so I miss practically acres of hair. I asked you lovely people for advice and a decent number recommended laser hair removal, so… I booked in! And here is what I think so far.

Where do you get it done?

Urbana on Clarendon Street, which is where I got my underarms and ‘tache zapped all those years ago. I figured that going eight years without thinking about my underarm hair was proof enough that they do a great job.

Is there much faff to it?

Not really — you have to shave the area 24 hours beforehand and forgo any lotions, creams, or fake tan. The second part is fine for me (I don’t tan and moisturise my body only sporadically, eek) but the shaving always annoys me because I hate shaving and am bad at it… which is exactly why I’m lasering the hair off in the first place. You need to avoid exercise, hot showers, and anything sweaty for another 24 hours after the treatment.

What may be faff-y to some is the amount of time you have to invest in this — there is generally about a six to eight-week gap between appointments. I had my consultation back in January and my first three sessions in March, May, and August. That’s over half a year! So if you want instant gratification, this is not the treatment for you.

Does it hurt?

Yes and no. On the… fleshier parts of my leg, I feel nothing. Around the knees, ankles, feet, and toes (gotta get the little hobbit hairs), it can sting like the snap of an elastic band. It all depends on your pain tolerance and perhaps the time of the month — my first two sessions were pretty bearable, but my third was quite painful for some reason (the technician offers to stop so you can have a break, but I do not accept on principle. I’m so tough). The laser has a jet of cold air attached to it, which has a slightly numbing effect.

Is it expensive?

Yes. In Urbana, it costs me €133 per session for a full leg. There are probably cheaper places, but I trust them and I’ve always had a good experience there. I’ve done three sessions so far — I’m sure you could save by booking in bulk but to be honest, I want to see how it goes. I may not need the full course of eight to ten sessions. 

And most importantly, perhaps… does it work?

Yes! The hair was slow to grow back after the first session, and after the second, I could go a week or two without getting the razor out. My third appointment was four weeks ago and I haven’t shaved since — there is a smattering of hair on my shins, but nothing to be bothered about. My skin feels so smooth and looks even-toned, which is a big coup for someone who has often complained about Hammy Legs. The next go is in two weeks, so I think after that I’ll make a decision about how many more I’d like to do.

If you’re comparing my attitude to laser hair removal to how I feel about Botox, I understand, because I too have thought about it a lot. Yes, it’s now more accepted for feminine-presenting people to keep their body hair, and I support this with my whole heart. However, when it comes to my own body hair… I’ve been shaving for 20 years, and my feelings on this matter are pretty ingrained. Like, I was eight years old when Carrie Bradshaw got a Brazilian wax. Gillette Venus ads have been the soundtrack to my life. It’s over for me.

Thank you for reading Vanity Project! I just love covering these hard-hitting topics, y’know. See you soon for the next instalment!