CW: body image chat
God, I’m not a very good newsletter-er, am I? To be fair to myself, I’ve had a lot going on behind the scenes (I’m not trying to do the faux-coy influencer thing —“Can’t say much!” etc — it’s just not very interesting). This isn’t to say I haven’t thought about Vanity Project at all — I’ve quite literally written three drafts of this comeback post over the last month and all have been simply too maudlin to publish.
Why is that? Well, I’ve been having a lot of feelings about beauty and appearance lately. I’ve seen a few people talking about the anxiety of being ‘seen’ again post-lockdown, which ironically made me feel ‘seen.’ It’s just a lot, isn’t it? Going from being holed up at home for months in tracksuit bottoms and no makeup with your hair in need of a cut, to having to present yourself to the world again like this didn’t affect you at all. But it did affect me. I feel like I’ve aged decades and I can see it in my face. Others probably can’t see it, but that doesn’t stop me imagining that they do and are mildly disgusted by it, you know?
I suppose it didn’t help that we were unleashed from lockdown at the start of the summer, a season that is notoriously unkind to self-esteem. It wasn’t as simple as just putting on makeup and an outfit and sauntering into town — at least, it wasn’t for me. I worried about how my clothes fit, whether I’d missed a bit shaving my legs, the grey-pink-white tone of the skin on my body. Then I started watching near-perfect human specimens inexpertly flirting on Love Island every night, just to torture myself, I guess. I joke about my ham legs, but they do bother me! Why is God so stingy with the long, smooth, shiny leg genes? An inch or two more of height, O Lord! I beg of you.
It’s at times like these that I like to remember a classic Irish mammy phrase: “Sure who’d be looking at you?” Because it’s true! No one is looking that closely at other people. No one really notices or cares about the stubble on my legs or my bra squeezing my back fat or a honking spot I’ve tried desperately to cover. They’re thinking about their own stubble and back rolls and honking great spots and other body niggles that you barely registered, if you noticed them at all.
Despite knowing all of this in my heart, adjusting to being “seen” again has been tough. But it is so utterly unfair to compare the you of 2019 to the you of 2021. They are not the same people! How could they be? So give yourself some grace. This statement is for myself but it is also for you, if you need it.
And now, because you’re all here for the product recs, I have three favourites that have been making me feel a little bit better when I do venture out into the world.
Somehow, despite being extremely interested in having long lashes, I hadn’t tried a lash serum until about three months ago. iGlow came highly recommended by my mother (props to Joan) and yes, it absolutely works. I would show you before and after photos, but did you know how impossible it is to take a photo of your own eyes that does not look demented? You’ll simply have to trust me when I say that I now have the eyelashes of a camel. I’ve been running it through my brows too — there is a specific iGlow brow serum but I suspect it’s just the same stuff in a different tube — and it has helped them grow a little, too. I’m reaching the end of my first tube (there’s about three months’ worth of product in there) and will definitely repurchase. It’s just nice to have long, fluttery lashes straight out of the gate! I can see why people get addicted to lash extensions.
La Roche-Posay Toleriane Ultra 8 Soothing Spray
Remember earlier, when I was talking about honking great spots? My skin freaked out about a month ago and I cut almost everything from my routine to coax it back from the brink. I’ve been only using cleanser, hyaluronic acid serum, moisturiser, and SPF — and surprise, surprise, everything’s looking so much better. My poor skin barrier! She was crying out for help. Hyaluronic acid works best on damp skin, so I spritz this on before I apply to give it lots of lovely moisture to absorb. My desire for Botox correlates directly with how much water I’ve been drinking and the hydrating products I’ve been using — so right now, it’s low! Thank you to LR-P (and my kitchen tap).
An oldie but SUCH a goodie! I was looking for a foundation to bring away with me on my holidays that didn’t take up too much space (I basically backpacked around Ireland for a week… and cycled 30km with the backpack on my back… I would recommend the former but not the latter) and landed on the It Cosmetics CC Cream. I may stray to flashier, newer foundations every once in a while, but I will always return to this one. It has amazing coverage without being heavy and makes my skin look so fresh and radiant. I’ve heard the Sculpted by Aimee Second Skin is very similar, a claim I will have to investigate in the future — but I recommend this to pretty much everyone. Just fab.
Thank you for reading this instalment of Vanity Project! I promise the next one will arrive much sooner than this one did. Really.